Holding HOpe

We have been at the hospital with Ty for 6 going on 7 weeks and we are still not seeing an end to this journey, we have a caringbridge site that updates on how he is doing and the day to day progress, I don't dare to share my thoughts, and feelings there though as some day we want to turn it into a book for him and I don't ever want him to feel like he is at fault when it comes to my thoughts, fears, frustrations, and at times discouragements. So here is where I am going to try and start to "write out" my portion of this journey.

Going into the 7th week of going back and forth each week spending the weeks here with one child and going home on the weekends to be with the other two children is draining, I feel like I am missing out on so much of KY and Siah and they can't help it and I can't help it, I did not walk out on my kids I did not ask to miss out on these things, One weekend I see Siah is sitting up :(  and Ky is just full of spunk, and I just miss his wittiness, but when we are all home I miss the panting of Ty coming around the corner asking "what doing" 

It is Mike's birthday in a few weeks and I hope that we will be able to spend it all together wherever it is we are. Then comes Ty's bday, I so, so badly want to be home for it but am feeling like we will still be here, so I am making plans to do a fat-free but not fun-free party here.

 I am tired, I am sad, frustrated, and the only thing I can hold onto here is Hope, my Hope tells me we will be home someday, someday again we will all be home as a family of 5, this trial will not break my family or my faith, we will hold strong because begging God to heal Ty is the only thing we can do, and that is what we do, as a family.

Our God is Faithful and I am holding him accoutable to His Faithfulness, he promises us that he will help us through each day, if he didn't we would not have even made it through these last 6 weeks that I do know. So for now I pray, and hold onto the Hope I have, God keeps his promises and that is what I pray for. 

Jesus, Jesus, please, please heal our baby! ~amen